Giving Heirloom Antique Engagement Rings: Should You or Shouldn’t You?

Maybe you have an heirloom ring inherited from your mother or passed down through generations in your family. Naturally, you want to give this ring to your beloved when you propose. And at first glance, what could be more romantic? But giving antique engagement rings can be a tricky business. Here are a few things to consider before you propose.

 

Will she like it? An antique diamond engagement ring should be a girl’s best friend. But does your girl like that style? An engagement ring is supposed to be a testament to the woman’s taste as much as the man’s, and she’s the one who has to wear the ring every day. She’d better love it on first sight, or you could be headed for heartbreak.

 

Before you give your girlfriend your antique ring, get a strong sense of her style. Does she wear antique jewelry, or does she prefer a more modern, pared-down look? Are there some metals she won’t wear because of preferences or allergies? If possible, show the ring to her friends and family. They should have a good idea of her likes and dislikes.

 

Is it appropriate for her lifestyle?  Antique diamond rings, depending on what period they’re from, may need some regular maintenance to keep looking their best. They can have parts that protrude, and metals that need to be polished and cared for. Is she the type who can handle a high-maintenance ring—even cherish it more for the care it needs? Or is she a low-maintenance type who doesn’t want a ring that will snag on clothing and need polishing occasionally? Make sure this ring will work for her lifestyle as much as for her tastes.

 

Are you sure of this relationship?  We know—you are sure, or you wouldn’t be considering giving her your antique heirloom engagement ring. But nobody expects their wedding to be called off, and it does happen. And under the law, she may legally be able to keep the ring. If you’re giving a treasured heirloom, that’s a tragedy for everyone in your family—not just you.

 

Traditional etiquette states that the bride should return the ring if the wedding is called off. But in some states, the legal system doesn’t agree. In some locations, the bride may legally keep the ring if the groom breaks off the wedding; she must give it back, however, if she was the one who got cold feet. In other areas, a ring is an “unconditional gift”—and the groom can’t get it back, under any circumstances. Be sure you are aware of the laws in your state before making this decision.

 

Does she have an heirloom ring as well? If you’re the only one with the antique diamond, then you won’t have this problem. But her family may have an heirloom ring to pass down as well. How do you decide which ring she’ll wear?

 

There are many factors that go into this type of decision. If one ring is from a deceased family member that one of you was very close to, that may take precedence. Some couples go with the ring that’s been in the family longer. Others choose the one with the most personal meaning: the one their mother wore every day, as opposed to one that was kept in a box most of the time. However, there’s no official, proscribed way to settle this conflict, except with a long heart-to-heart talk.

 

Do you have permission to use it? That beautiful family heirloom may already be on someone else’s finger. Or it could belong to the whole family, without clarity on which sibling actually gets to use it. You may have to sit down with your family to ask permission before giving your beloved that beautiful antique diamond ring.

 

If your heart is set on giving her that family heirloom, but your family isn’t so keen on it, why not use the ring to propose—and then buy her a different ring for everyday wear? You can create an engagement ring based on the original, or have her incorporate original designs with elements of the past.   

 

Giving an antique heirloom engagement ring can be a beautiful tradition. It’s romantic, it’s meaningful, and it’s a powerful statement. It tells her that she belongs in your family, and that your whole clan is welcoming her in. But make sure to take these points into account before you make your decision. An heirloom ring can be the perfect choice, but it’s not for everyone.